My 11-year old is not into sports. She claims if she has to sweat, that isn't good. So, our definite "girly-girl" has become a cheerleader. (Between you and I, I won't tell her that you sweat twice as much and work twice as hard doing this!). Because of her decision, my wife and I get to see her cheering at weekly basketball games and we get to see the games from a very different perspective. We get to see how some parents really can be an encouraging force in a young child's life and how some can be a definite negative influence, too. It's the latter that makes me write this today. Last night, we had the "misfortune" of sitting next to a man who thought he was Dean Smith and John Wooden all rolled into one. (For those who don't know, they are Hall of Fame, retired college basketball coaches.) This man had two 11-year olds playing in this game and, throughout the game, he persisted in chastising each of the boys for not "going to to ball" or "hustling down the court". At one point, when one of the boys had an open shot as the ref blew his whistle for a foul on the other side of the court, he turned and said. "He wouldn't have made it anyhow". We withstood his frustrating grunts and groans throughout the game and I watched as the boys would look over at him on the court with both fear and embarrassment. I watched two other sets of parents constantly encourage their children whether it be for something good or for some on court mistake. It didn't matter to them. They were just happy to see their sons having fun playing a game. The man next to us, though, was treating this game as if it were the NCAA Championship. Little did I know that the worst was yet to come. After the game had ended and everyone was filing out to their respective transportation, here was this man berating the two boys for their play on the court. The boys were tired, frustrated and, you can tell, once again, embarrassed by his display. As they walked away, I could hear him say that this was "constructive criticism". I did all I could to stay away. All I could do was leave with a sad feeling as to how this night will affect those boys in future games and in the future, in general.
Let this be a lesson to all of us who are parents. Let's remember to allow our children to make mistakes and learn from them. Let's allow our children to be what they are, children. Let 'em have some fun before they really grow up.
3 comments:
luckily, our parents were not like that guy. as you know i was in a true individual sport, gymnastics, where the focus is on you (there was a team but it really isnt a team sport) i saw parents berate the coach cause their kid wasnt learning this stunt or that and i actually saw a guy berate his own daughter for being a "chicken" when she didnt want to do something. Thank God our mom and dad came to the practices and meets to offer suppport and let the coaches coach. My kids are not big on sports(i have another girly girl and a musician) and i hope i never embarass them like that guy did to his kids!I hope that someday he sees the error of his ways and I know Meredith will get the benefit of what we were given by our parents:)
Hello! :)
Well written post. It's true that there is an amazing difference in the way parents interact with their kids. I am sure the guy means well but doesn't realise what he is doing.
If you are from a competitive background and have played to a decent level you seem to be tougher on the kids. I wonder if he is the same with their English and Math homework?
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